Friday, June 3, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
So I walked out to the backyard where the dogs & boys were playing. 6 yr old Sean ran straight up to my belly and put both hands on it.
He lightly squeezed from both sides a few times......
Sean: "So there's really a baby in there"
Me: "Yeah. there's a little girl in there"
Sean: "huh" he then proceeds to squeeze a few more times as he examines my belly
Sean: "So.... How's it get'n out?"
Now I'm stuck in a conversation I really don't want to be in with a 6yr old. By now his 8yr old brother Max has joined the conversation as well. I flashed to the story I heard of when his 3 older brothers asked their mom the same question. So I repeated her answer.
Me: "Well, you know how you have a hole you poop from and a hole you pee from. Well, girls have a 3rd hole where the baby cames out."
Sean: ponders this new information for a moment. "Three holes huh?!?!"
older brother Max: "Yeah, it's totally gross"
Then they both ran off to play. Lets just hope he doesn't tell his friends at school about his anatomy lesson.
Oh another note, a few weeks ago when their 3yr old brother found out I had a baby in my belly his question was simple "Why? Did you eat it?!?"
I can't wait to hear the funny stuff Imogen comes up with.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
But I’m running into a problem. I love feeling her move so much, that it distracts me from conversations I’m having. Last week I was meeting with a client that was having suicidal thoughts; I was assessing him for ideation and intent and while he was talking, Imogen starting wiggling. I’ll admit, I checked out of my conversation for a moment to enjoy my daughter’s wiggles. As I realized what I was doing, I quickly had to bring myself back to what was more important in that moment; this man’s mental & physical wellbeing. Although no one in the room knew, I felt bad.
Now that was an extreme example, but it is an everyday occurrence. It happens everywhere, when I’m talking to friend, sitting in church, sitting in a meeting; I check out when Imogen starts moving. No offense, her moving is just much more exciting than anything else I can think of on the planet. I’m an adventurous person and if you asked me if I wanted to skydive (which I love), or feel Imogen move a bunch, I’d probably opt for feeling my little moving and wiggling inside me.
I know here in a few weeks she will get big enough to lodge her feet in between my ribs or kick my spine, but until then, I’ll just keep enjoying my little wiggle.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
I've been trying to look back on my semester and see where I have grown. I am thankful to report that my money seems to have been well spent. I have learned so much about myself and my vocation that I can scarcely begin to elaborate. I think I will still be unpackaging what I've learned this semester years from now.
I would like to put out a general apology to the universe for one thing I have learned. I am a horrible listener. I flat out suck at conversations. I hope that you out there in the cosmos accept my apology and trust that I am working on changing there. A few weeks ago I journaled this about being a horrible conversationalist:
I have known for sometime that I have much to learn about conversations. My personal assessmentbrought out character defects that manifest themselves in conversation. Several of Dr. Redman's do's and don'ts hit home for me. Even though I try really hard not to, I often appear to be talking down to people. or to present myself as superior, or to be a know it all. I get excited and want to converse about everything and anything with anyone. I can be a bit overwhelming in that. I pick at things to understand them. People don't like being picked at; don't like having their logic questioned. It takes people time to get to know me, to understand that I see the world through questions, and that I show I care through conversation and question (among other things).
I interrupt too much, think about what I'm going to say before the other person finishes, and assume I know what someone else is going to say. I understand that I am weak in all these areas and am working on them.
I am trying to envision conversation like a dance. I must be in tune with my partner, moving with them as opposed to against them, with a common direction in mind. If I move too quickly, or too slowly, I will step on toes, fall out of rhythm, and lose sight of the beauty and purpose of the dance.
...or, to put it in terms of comic books, only villains monologue, and it's almost always their downfall.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
"I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children" Genesis 3:16
I gotta say, God nailed this curse. Bravo, good one God.
I'm 21 weeks pregnant today. I still feel like I'm early in pregnancy, and yet I didn't realize how uncomfortable I would be at 21 weeks. With that in mind, it's a bit overwhelming to think that I still have 4 1/2 months to go. If sleep is this tough now, what will it be like next month, in 2 months...3.....yikes!! and the pain in my lower back!?!?!? I don't even want to think about that.
As uncomforable as I am, I'm having trouble having a good attitude. Everytime someone asks me how I'm feeling I want to describe it with obsenities, instead I just say "it blows". Today I'm been trying to change "it blows" to "she's growing" or something along those lines, you know that don't actually show my feelings at all.
I think the biggest issue with my, lets be real...constant complaining, is the way it's effecting Daniel. He's so wonderful, he doesn't say anything negative to me, but I can see in his face that he's running out of positive things to say to me.
He and I were talking last night and was saying that I really need anattitude change. I can think about Imogen and I get so excited, I feel her wiggle in my belly and I want to drop what I'm ding and just enjoy the moment. Then with everything else I have nothing positive to say or think.
I have tried to justify it in my mind "all these things have to happen to ensure that our little girl is safe and healthy" but that's really not helping.
When daniel and I were engaged we became very said at how negative people were to use about marriage. Few people built it up to us, we vowed to always encourge engaged couples with the joys of marriage. I've been thinking about that same concept in relation to pregnancy. What is the good I can focus on? I have a friend who is early on in her pregnancy, how can I have a positive attitude and outlook so as to encourage her rather give her a bad taste before she really gets going.
Now when it comes down to it, this is afterall a curse from God and I've heard enough fairtales to know that curses are not meant to be pleasant. But with every single fairytale I've ever heard, the curse eventually lifts and they live happily ever after.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
For the whole weekend Imogen was a hot topic of conversation. The girls continually told me how much they can’t wait for her to get here and how they will teach her to play princess’. Little Naomi (4) seemed to be the most excited. She asked me if they could Skype with Imogen “so they can play”. It just warmed my heart to see how excited the girls are for their cousin to arrive.
We had a fun filled 2 ½ days. Friday was my 31st birthday so we made a birthday cake and the girls decorated it for me. They used every kind of sprinkle they could find in the house, and they put 5 candles on the top to “make a tiara”. They put up some home made decorations and made me some cards. The only thing missing from my party was my wonderful Husband (who had to stay home to study).
Every time we visit I bring a craft of some sort to do with the girls, I also bring my “box ‘o stickers” aka stickers fro the target $1 bin. This trips craft was Easter egg decorating. So we boiled a bunch of eggs, dissolved the little colored tablets in water and decorated away. I’m pretty sure the girls fingers had more dye on them by the end than the eggs. But we sure had fun. 3 Easter egg hunts followed, we couldn’t convince the girls to eat the eggs though.
There was lots of cuddling of the twins too. I can’t wait until they are old enough to do crafts too. They are getting so big it’s crazy. They should be talking in no time, we practiced “auntie” a lot this weekend.
Daniel and I plan on trying to make a few more visits to see them all before August. We’ll see how well I can do in the car as I get more and more pregnant.
Overall, it was great birthday.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
I was talking with my friend Patti about 2wks after we found i was having a baby and saying to her that I suddenly have no other topic of conversation except the baby. And that has not changed. I don't know what else to talk about. My life has been engulfed by the fact that we are having a baby. Every few days I think of something to blog about, non baby related, and it ends up being about Imogen. I have not posted a few blogs just because I was trying to not to blog about her. But alas, I have failed. I just have no other topic of conversation. Everything I think about these days always comes back to Imogen.
Oh and I have a request of you all: Please pray for Daniel and I. We need sleep. I seem to be suffereing from "pregnancy insomnia" also known as "nature's cruel trick". Personally I would like to be sleeping as much as possible now since sleep will be a thing of the past come September. Anyhow, it's really effecting both of us. My lack of sleep ends up keeping Daniel up cause I'm tossing and turning. Usually by 3am I head for the couch so I stop waking him up. I don't do well with little sleep, I kind of turn into a toddler who skipped their nap; I cry and throw fits for no real reason. And poor Daniel is working and in graduate school, he really needs good sleep to be able to focus.
All that to say, please pray that we get some deep solid sleep.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My sister Kelly And I holding Penny the day after she was born
Me and Tristin, the day he was born
Julia, Naomi, Madeline
Monday, March 28, 2011
Coming from a background in philosophy, it would be an understatement to say that I think critical thought and reason play a very important part in our faith. Epistemology, or what we may know and how we come to that knowledge is very important to me. I believe it is no small coincidence that the evangelist of John begins his account with “In the beginning was the Logos.” The book of Romans declares that the Lord can be known through observation of the world. It is also no coincidence that our primary means of understanding the Lord comes through orderly written accounts full of form, structure, and reason. The Lord is a God of reason and order. Thus, it is logical that we come to an understanding of God through orderly and rational means.
Be that as it may, void of God's presence, pure reason fails. There is a lifetime of knowledge at our disposal, and insufficient time to comprehend it. Rational people are confronted with numerous reasonably held, yet incompatible truth claims. Simply put, hyper rationalism, or modernism driven to its natural conclusion, is overwhelming. This leads well meaning, rational people to choose one truth claim among many reasonable options, in essence resulting in postmodernism.
Postmodern thought is an ever increasing reality in our society, even amongst the conservatively rational western church. Theists and non theists both have reasonable arguments for their position.* A rational follower of Christ may make a reasonable, well defended claim for either a secure or an ‘abiding’ salvation. Likewise for free will, predestination, or various combinations of the two. There are numerous truth claims that may be reasonably held, even though our belief system holds that there is one truth.
Overwhelmed by the cacophony of truth claims, the average person of faith puts their trust in one claim that seems reasonable, and timidly holds it. We have the faculties to understand God to an extent, but regardless of what we may know, ‘His ways are above our ways.’ Put another way, the absolute truth we believe in is beyond us. We must accept that, fundamentally, the Lord is as much a mystery as He is comprehensible. Fueled by postmodernism, this has generated a movement within faith I call neo-mysticism. Where reason fails, mystery abounds.
The result, for the Church, is a body that rests increasingly on feeling and preference over reason. The church is at least partially responsible for this shift. Well meaning theologians, in fear of relativistic theology, proclaim their viewpoints more vociferously, drastically narrowing their definition of orthodox doctrine. The body of Christ is left confused and alienated by the resulting battles. It is not that the body of Christ lacks an evangelical mind. Rather, the body has been driven by fear to avoid using it. Instead, blind faith is put in the Holy Spirit for guidance. I say blind, not as an insult, but rather as a course navigated by spiritual compass, but no map.
We need a more balanced approach. What God has revealed of Himself has been overwhelmingly logical. Still, we must leave room for the mysterious workings of the Spirit. We must accept postmodernism, in a sense. Science and reason can only go so far in understanding God. By definition, God is beyond any quantifiable measure or logical principle. Any right belief in the Lord of heaven must account for that.
They that worship shall do so ‘in Spirit and truth.’ Any personal revelation provided by the Spirit must be interpreted in light of truth, of what may be rationally known. These truths should include the precedence of tradition as a guide marker, without elevating tradition to equality with truth. Tradition is the map to our spiritual compass. While our spiritual parents may have wandered off course at times, their journey informs ours.
'What we see is a dim image in a mirror.' We should accept that our spiritual vision is clouded by the very nature of our humanity. As such, we should be humble in any claims of absolute truth. Rather, we should understand that there are tiers of belief. First tier beliefs like the deity of Christ and His atoning sacrifice are non negotiable. Baptism by immersion or sprinkling is.
We must recognize that we have been given the Logos so that we may know of the Lord, and His goodness. We must always approach that Logos with the humility of His inherent wonder and mystery. We must recognize that the course we navigate was plotted and followed by millennia of sojourners before us.
* I am an ardent apologist. I hold that the rational, reasonable belief is that the God of the Bible is the absolute truth. I am not a relativist in an absolute sense. I speak of reasonable arguments for competing doctrines and non theistic paradigms to develop the point that the byproduct of hyper rationalism is nonsensical, and thereby absurd. Please do not misconstrue my statements to mean that I am not a defender of absolute truth.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I’m not enjoying being pregnant. The “side effects” are not fun; vomiting, nausea, nose bleeds, heart burn, insomnia….that’s just to name a few (believe me, you don’t want to hear everything). Thanks to the internet, I am reading everything I find about pregnancy, birth and having an infant. I’ve come across many blogs of woman who talk about how much they love being pregnant. I can’t help but wonder if they experience all these things or not? And if they do what’s their secret to not being bothered by them. Generally I’m a pretty positive person, so I’ve been a little surprised at how much I have disliked this whole process so far.
The Imogen part I like though. I wish I could get ultrasounds whenever I want. I get very excited to see her. Only 3 weeks until the next one. I can hardly wait until I feel her moving inside me. I swear I may have felt her last night, Daniel thinks it was in my head. I'm so excited to meet her. There are days when August seems so far away, it will never get here and other days I feel like if I blink she will be here already.
Even though I’ve hated all the things that are happening to me, it’s truly amazing at the same time. The fact my body has shifted into survival mode for me, giving me what I need to survive and has shifted to focusing everything else on ensuring Imogen is safe, healthy and growing. Most of the nutrients my body take in…she gets (no wonder my skin is so dry). I read one article that said the work my body is putting into growing a human everyday is equivalent to that of a person running a marathon (no wonder I’m so exhausted all the time).
I suppose pregnancy is just the beginning of the sacrifices a mother has to make for her children. This whole 9 mos, I’m not living for me, I’m living for her. I have to put aside any fun I want to have, for her safety (I guess I won’t be skydiving this year). Everything I eat, I have to eat with her in mind (I really miss sushi). Everyday tasks I have to ask myself if it’s safe for Imogen (thanks to me friends who came and moved furniture around for me).
All that to say, as truly miserable I have been, it’s all pretty amazing as well. And before I sign off, my husband deserves a HUGE shout out for putting up with me :-) Thank you Love, you're the best.